What cocktail are you?

Facebook is full of these wacky quizzes: what painter are you, what nationality are you, where should you live?

Here’s my quiz: what cocktail are you?

Do you:
a)    never drink
b)    refer to scotch in the past tense
c)    refer to cocktails as mixed drinks
d)    quote David Windrich at the drop of a bar spoon
e)    devote large quantities of shelf space to esoteric ingredients

When you are offered a gin drink, do you:
a)    recoil in horror
b)    ask if there is any vodka in the house
c)    look at host as if they were in a time warp
d)    ask if the gin will be Plymouths or Bombay
e)    whip out that nifty leather Hendricks bottle container and sniff deeply of its contents

When was the last time you tasted pure rye whiskey:
a)    never
b)    when you raided your parents liquor cabinet
c)    last night
d)    at a recent rye whisky tasting hosted by local distillers

True or False: Maraschino is by Luxore and is virtually impossible to find in its home country.
True or False: Real maraschino cherries are small, dark and delicious

If offered a gin and tonic on a hot summer afternoon, you would:
a)    smile and refuse
b)    smile and ask for a beer
c)    smile and recognize the classic genius of combining gin and tonic

If offered the aperitivo nazionale of Italy, you would be drinking:
a)    Proseco
b)    Cappuccino
c)    Negroni

What state was responsible for casting the deciding vote that overturned the National Prohibition Act?
a)    New York
b)    Florida
c)    Burgundy
d)    Utah

This concludes our test of your cocktail identity. If this had been an actual test, you would have been required to drink a gin-based cosmopolitan and quit your whining. This post was inspired by the NT Times bliog “The Proof” which somehow manages to squeeze and squander every last drop of cocktail pleasure.  There can be no definitive answers to this quiz, just an opportunity to meditate on the intricacies of a well made cocktail. Please drink responsibly or not at all.